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i

They say you know you have forgiven a person
when you stop telling your side of the story
and start telling the truth.


ii

At first, I thought: 'it can't be normal
to hate a person so much you hope they die
in Afghanistan.'  But then I realised that when they say
hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
they aren't saying it for shits and giggles.

So now I'll say it:
I hope you get shot in Afghanistan.  


iii

No.  I cannot forgive you.
Not while I still want
your hands in my hair and
on my breasts and hips and
back and undoing my dress
and your lips kissing every
inch of my skin.
I simply cannot forgive you.  


iv

I keep buying new things,
as if Kleide Machen Leute and now I'll have
the perfect man and I won't even think about you
anymore.
But it doesn't happen,
and I just have to find ways of paying.


v

They say you know you have forgiven a person
when you stop telling your side of the story
and start telling the truth

but the truth is this;
I loved you, you broke me,
and never said sorry.




only the margins to write on now.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  
edit: 02/12/11 - ahhhh December, madness! So after some amazing help from :iconsunshinegypsy: I've gone through this poem and changed verse iv quite substantially and the rest a little bit and I think it feels better now, more polished! I'm kinda psyched to do this to more poems. Feedback is of course appreciated!

---

Vergangenheitsbewaltigung is a german word that represents the idea of working through and overcoming the past and moving forward with the future, usually used in connection with victims of trauma and distress or in a more institutionalised sence with the idea of Germany as a nation overcoming the Nazi past.


Thanks to anyone who faves or comments! Anyone who comments on my work will get a comment/ critique on one of their poems in return as my way of contributing to dA!


like my writing style? There's more on my blog at www.divine-decadence-darling.blogspot.com
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:iconceliyasha:
Celiyasha Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Love the honesty.
Reply
:iconcristinewakesuphappy:
cristinewakesuphappy Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:+fav:

hi! i hope you don't mind my humble feature:
your lovely piece is handpicked. (link)

thank you.
:iconbluedancingflower:
Reply
:iconsomewhither:
somewhither Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2012
ah. ah.

this is so furious like nothing i've ever seen before and it roars and it fumes and it howls and i just love it, even if it hurts me to read. god.
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! That's definitely the best description of the poem anyone's ever written yet.
Reply
:iconvespera:
vespera Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Part II is magic
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner May 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
<3
Reply
:iconsunshinegypsy:
sunshinegypsy Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2011  Professional Writer
YAY!! It's gorgeous. Keep going, girl!
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Woo! Weekend after next I'm spending Sunday going through the whole lot. Then after christmas, submissions !!!!! oh gosh!
Reply
:iconsunshinegypsy:
sunshinegypsy Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2011  Professional Writer
YAY!! It's like a New Year's Resolution.
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Yup! I have a list of 21 things to do before I turn 22, and that was on it.
Reply
:iconsunshinegypsy:
sunshinegypsy Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2011  Professional Writer
LOL. Perfect.
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I'm such a freak for lists.
Reply
:iconmisfitablegrae:
MisfitableGrae Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2011   Writer
I've never known that word. Sounds hard to say (which, I know, doesn't make any sense at all). I really liked the poem, but my favorite part overall was Part Five because it repeated Part One which I fell in love with, and also it had the very last line. The 'only the margins...' part. I loved that so much. ^^ But overall, it was a really good poem.
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :) The line 'only the margins to write on now. I love you, I love you, I love you' is the closing line of the novel I Capture The Castle, by Dodie Smith, which if you haven't read, you must. It's my favourite novel.
Reply
:iconvelocity07:
velocity07 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2011
fabulous piece of writing here, but i have to wonder: what if someone who's wronged you is sorry for it? what if they never meant to hurt you and are having a hard time forgiving themselves? would you still be unforgiving then?

i'm not trying to stir up anything. i'm just genuinely curious. i like getting people to think about their own art. :3
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
If they were sorry, they would have said it, and they would have changed their behaviour so they never hurt anyone else in the same way. Then of course you can forgive them because you know they're trying. This person isn't trying; he doesn't care.
Reply
:iconvelocity07:
velocity07 Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011
oh, i wasn't talking about the person you wrote about specifically; i was speaking in general. forgiveness is hard, i won't deny. but i think a person who admits to doing wrong, is remorseful for it, and tries to be a better person deserves at least an attempt at foregiveness. that's all i'm saying.

just trying to look deeper into the topic you've raised here. ;)
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah. It's hard though, because it's quite a visceral thing - if you can't do it, it's better to be honest than lie to them/yourself about it.
Reply
:iconvelocity07:
velocity07 Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2011
true, very true. i try to tell myself that i've made mistakes myself - some of them i'm still trying to forgive myself for - and that usually helps. i'm an empathetic person in general. it's pretty easy for me to put myself in someone else's shoes; it's hard for other people.
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah. everyone does stupid, thoughtless things sometimes, often without realising. It's useless holding them to account for it.
Reply
:iconvelocity07:
velocity07 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2011
indeed. i try to encourage people to learn from their mistakes, rather than hold grudges against them. besides, holding grudges burns up too much energy. XD
Reply
:iconplaugh:
Plaugh Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2011
A wonderful piece of work! Thank you for sharing. :)
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome :)
Reply
:icondjchocolate-lover:
DJChocolate-Lover Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2010  Student General Artist
I really like this so much so that I don't have the words to describe just what I loved
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
aww, thank you so much!
Reply
:icondark-mccloudy:
Dark-McCloudy Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2010
"will wallk in the door" If you would just fix that tiny little thing, this piece would be absolutely perfect :D
I really liked the emotion you put in it and you had me hooked after the first three lines.
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
ahhh!!!!! I have fixed that, thanks for noticing!

Glad you liked it!
Reply
:iconsanitynvrfoundme:
sanitynvrfoundme Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2010
oh my god, this is so beautful. the last stanza really hit home in describing my last relationship as well. wonderful.
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
thank you *smiles*

I am sorry about your last relationship though.
Reply
:iconsanitynvrfoundme:
sanitynvrfoundme Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2010
ahh no worries it was for the best in the long run, really. if you don't mind me asking, is your poem based off true events?
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, and my goodness was he a son of a bitch! But I guess that's life.
Reply
:iconlil-christa:
Lil-Christa Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2010
I really, really liked this but iv really stuck out to me....great work! :D
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconlil-christa:
Lil-Christa Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2010
welcome :)
Reply
:icondamagedhomewrecker:
DamagedHomewrecker Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
wow. just absolutely wow. this is striking and deep and i absolutely love this so much. it hurts and it aches and its like a bristling dog all flashing teeth and snarls but the dog is just scared from being beaten and left out in the rain and i just want to let him inside...i absolutely love this piece so much. it is gorgeoussss.
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you *smiles*
Reply
:iconsunshinegypsy:
sunshinegypsy Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2010  Professional Writer
I remember learning that word in German class and then standing at Auschwitz and thinking no words could ever say it.

Also, part I is wow yes.

And part II is hell yes. The boy who tried to rape me when I was 16 enlisted and I prayed he would get shot. So he would know fear and pain and uncertainty. There are some things we can never get back.
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, and you think you're a bad person for wanting them to get shot, but you want them to get shot because they broke you. They broke you just because they're cold and childish and cruel and immature and heartless like a little kid tossing aside a broken animal that's been tortured because now it's boring. It is perfectly okay to hope they get shot! I had a dream he got shot in the dick. he didn't die, but now he could look at all the women but never get laid. Take that, bastard.
Reply
:iconsunshinegypsy:
sunshinegypsy Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2010  Professional Writer
:D Now that's a fabulous idea. I just figure it's not the dying we want, it's the fear and the pain and the not knowing what's going to happen or if you're going to be okay or your whole world is going to end. You want them to feel what you felt.
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I just want him to suffer in any way. I want him to realise that the world isn't what he thought it was, I want him to walk into rooms and realise that everyone is looking at him - and not in the good way. I want his friends to tell him they look down on him. I want him to feel isolated and like he can't talk to anyone. I want him to feel ashamed and alone and broken. And I want him to stay feeling like that for as long as I do, and I don't care if that's wrong.
Reply
:iconsunshinegypsy:
sunshinegypsy Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2010  Professional Writer
I don't think that's wrong, I think it's human. There's this song called "Gagging Order" that I want to play for the world:

I know what you're thinking
But I'm not your property
No matter what you say
No matter what you say

Move along, there's nothing left to see
Just a body, nothing left to see

A couple more for breakfast
A little more for tea
Just to take the edge off
Just to take the edge off

Move along, there's nothing left to see
Just a body, pouring down the street

Move along, there's nothing left to see
Just a body, nothing left to see

Move along
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I keep thinking of the song 'Mess of Me' at the moment:

am my own affliction
I am my own disease
There ainīt no cure they could sell
Ah, there ainīt no drug to make me well
There ainīt no drug

There ainīt no drug
There ainīt no drug
Itīs not enough
The sickness is myself

- Chorus -
I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
I made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I made a mess of me I wanna reverse this tragedy
I made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
The rest of my life alive!

We lock our souls in cages
We hide inside our shells
Itīs hard to free the ones you love
Oh when you canīt forgive yourself
Yeah forgive yourself!

There ainīt no drug
No, There ainīt no drug
There ainīt no drug
The sickness is myself

- Chorus -
I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
Iīve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
Iīve made a mess of me I wanna reverse this tragedy
Iīve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
The rest of my life alive!

AHHHHHHOOOOO!

There ainīt no drug
There ainīt no drug
There ainīt no drug
No drug to make me well
There ainīt no drug
Itīs not enough
Iīm breaking up
The sickness is myself
The sickness is myself

- Chorus -
I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
Iīve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
Iīve made a mess of me I wanna reverse this tragedy
Iīve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
The rest of my life alive!!



cause basically, this is my fault.
Reply
:iconsunshinegypsy:
sunshinegypsy Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2010  Professional Writer
Hmmm... yeah, I get on that train a lot. My psychiatrist was teaching me all about self-defeating behaviour. How you get on yourself first and worst because you think you deserve it and are surrounded by people saying "why didn't you do this better" or "you're so disappointing" and you get stuck in this thought process that you're always wrong and fucked up and you make yourself sicker than you have to be.
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, it's a dangerous path when you start thinking about how the common link to all your failures is.... you. That's when you just have to stop if you want to keep your shit together. The common link was bad fucking luck and that's all there is to it.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconevilpixiea:
EvilpixieA Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2010  Student Writer
Oh my, this is simply stunning. I think I have fallen in love with yet another shard of too perfect literature. I love it, honestly and truly.

You have captured the emotion into this in a very realistic kind of way. It's really hard to describe, but participially the last few lines I adore as they bring this out, a lot. I think I just have to add this to my writing collection! If it terned it away it would almost be a crime.

I really don't know if any of that made any sense but honestly this is a wonderful piece of work. 5 stars. No, 10 stars. No, a skyfull of stars.

Thank you for writing this!
Reply
:iconanarkhos:
Anarkhos Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for the lovely comment! You're most welcome :D
Reply
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